Dating Culture

Two rather pretty blonde shop assistants were shooting the breeze about Sex and The City yesterday, and it got me a thinkin' - Here's a show that has been over for at least two years, and yet it is still discussed ...

There's no doubt that the landscape of the Dating World has changed significantly over the last few decades. Love, commitment, flings, illicit affairs and casual sex were all there back in the day, but a girl who was after love and commitment wouldn't have to go to quite as much trouble to find it. Girl meets nice, available boy. They date for an appropriate time, during which girl doesn't need to shy away from stating her matrimonial intentions. Boy proposes to girl. Wedding ensues. Especially if a foetus was involved. Illicit affairs, flings and casual sex went on as they always had - generally behind closed doors. Wedded bliss was considered the norm, and morally enforced by the Church and the community.

A wise man [my next door neighbour] told me that the only certainty in the universe is change. This is certainly true of the dating culture. Women strove to leave the home, be heard, forge their own paths in the corporate world. At the same time, the Church gradually lost its stranglehold, and people began to turn away from those social customs that didn't suit their needs. Sex lost a great amount of its taboo, which meant that men could engage in consensual sex with little, or no, commitment. Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?

Women have become confused. This is natural - we females have strived to change our identity, but it is going to take more time before we feel comfortable in our skin, and fit snugly into our new gender roles. Feminists can argue all they like, but for women of my generation this has yet to happen. Let's not forget the guys. Think we women are confused? Men are adjusting to emasculation and not knowing just how to follow the right cues in the complicated mating rituals. So, a man just wants sex? Sleaze. A girl? Slut. What about the guy who just wants to get married [fairly rare creature]? He must be a loser. Even worse, the girl desperate for commitment and/or marriage? Oh my God, could she BE any more cloying and sad? Serial bad-boys. Nice guys finishing last. Girls gone wild. Broken hearts. Chaos. Let the games begin.

Into this maelstrom came Sex and The City. In the very first episode, Carrie laments about the 'death of love in Manhattan' and chews on the idea of 'having sex like a man.' No commitment, full emotional detachment. Play their game. Charlotte is appalled at the idea, whereas the other three do have emotionless sex [to varying degrees] during the course of the show. All four, after many adventures, end up happily in love by the end of the sixth season. The lesson here? Women, from the conservative Charlotte to the sexually voracious Samantha, usually do seek love and companionship. Or end up stumbling upon it, discovering its attraction, and not wanting to let go. Men? As they get older, most of them come around to the idea. So why play games?

SATC began as a commentary [almost a documentary] about the Dating World, yet by the sixth season, the show was initiating cultural shifts. It wasn't just Carrie's high-end fashions that were making their way off the small screen. Giant lapel flowers anyone? The 'He's Just Not That Into You' phenomenon spawned from the show, and there is something we can all learn there. Male or female. Don't be afraid to say what your intentions are. If you both just want a short term fling, go for it. If you want more, and they don't? Either accept what they have on offer, or move on. Be true to yourself. Respect the other person. Honesty. Simplicity. Much better for all.

If only.