Or Anna Nicole Smith, since yellow acrylic hair is involved.
I live interstate from my family, so most of our contact is via the InterTubes or over the phone. We have this family e-mail chain that has been going on for two years, but Facebook has opened up a delicious Pandora's Box. The photos, ohhhh, the photos. Hen's nights, weddings, random parties, and even ten-year-old photos of my slimmer self shit-faced and losing all motor control.
Now, my brother just did not want to follow the crowd onto Facebook - he flat out refused and openly mocked those of us who did. He fought gallantly against the unbearable temptation, until one day he decided that he could no longer resist the siren song of the drunken photos, annoying viruses, and addictive applications. I was expecting an absolute shit-storm of drunken photos and was not disappointed. Last weekend, a dress-up party. His girlfriend's blonde wig ends up on his head for most of the event. This weekend, an op-shop dress up party (capital idea, will totally steal!) and a different blonde wig finds its way onto his cranium. The extortion possibilities, my friends, are endless.
It goes without saying that his inner Anna Nicole was out and screaming, "BEER ME UP, SCOTTY!!" because it appears that he was too drunk to a) form facial expressions b) stand without assistance and c) provent his stomach contents from making an emergency exit.
He would totally fart on my pillow if he read this or heard me say it, but he looks a LOT like our father in these photos. Apples, falling, trees, etc.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Still a lazy bitch
Wow, this has got to be THE slackest blog on the Internet! Well, who gives a flying fuck? It's not like anyone actually READS this shit, is it? The masses are more interested in reading about hand-bags, moronic celebrities and sex. Hmmm. The last one doesn't sound so bad ... except for the fact that I currently can't have sex, thanks to something I've done to my neck. My whole left side hurts, it hurts to breathe and it most certainly hurts to laugh. So don't even think about making this lazy bitch laugh today, or I might just have to find something sharp and insert it into your ear cavity.
It's autumn here now. Autumn is definitely my favourite season of the year. A time when change is embraced, celebrated. All around Melbourne deciduous trees are lining up to flaunt their garish colours; a veritable orgy of yellows, browns, oranges, reds and purples my darlings! On the Burwood Highway, I was delighted to feast my eyes upon an amazing sight: a particular breed of tree whose foliage doesn't change colour as one. On one tree, you may see only one branch that has assumed its autumnal visage. Maybe it may be two or three branches. Contrasted against the "Microsoft Start Button" green, the sections of colour are a sharp gradation from "banana" yellow to "too-much-fake-tan" orange to "be-my-valentine" red. The overall effect? That one is watching the foliage slowly burn away. The leaves wither and die, to be re-absorbed by the soil. In spring, the tiny buds of life will be re-born of the ashes. The relentless beauty in the passage of time.
There are more changes for me. My contract at Coles is coming to an end, and from this end, there are (as yet unseen) new beginnings.
I seriously believe that our pod is cursed though. This is a pod of just five seats (and a stonking great support pillar) surrounded by cubicle walls and one bank of windows. In these past eight months, I've seen at least 8 people move on to other departments, resign, or be made redundant. When I go, not one of the originals will remain. I worked in another pod like this at Optus once, and we nicknamed it "The Bermuda Rectangle." Someone even put up a sign. Optus management had a sense-of-humour failure and naturally took down the sign. Boring bastards! Continuing in this tradition, we had a quick brain-storm (read: excuse to do fuck-all for ten minutes) and came up with some alternative names:
- The Departure Lounge
- The Loser Pod (it has often been called this by the people in the next pod over. Jealousy is also a curse)
- The Launch Pod
- Greener Pastures
My favourite is still "Bermuda Rectangle." I get the gigglesnorts just thinking of that one, which SUCKS because it still FUCKING HURTS TO LAUGH.
It's autumn here now. Autumn is definitely my favourite season of the year. A time when change is embraced, celebrated. All around Melbourne deciduous trees are lining up to flaunt their garish colours; a veritable orgy of yellows, browns, oranges, reds and purples my darlings! On the Burwood Highway, I was delighted to feast my eyes upon an amazing sight: a particular breed of tree whose foliage doesn't change colour as one. On one tree, you may see only one branch that has assumed its autumnal visage. Maybe it may be two or three branches. Contrasted against the "Microsoft Start Button" green, the sections of colour are a sharp gradation from "banana" yellow to "too-much-fake-tan" orange to "be-my-valentine" red. The overall effect? That one is watching the foliage slowly burn away. The leaves wither and die, to be re-absorbed by the soil. In spring, the tiny buds of life will be re-born of the ashes. The relentless beauty in the passage of time.
There are more changes for me. My contract at Coles is coming to an end, and from this end, there are (as yet unseen) new beginnings.
I seriously believe that our pod is cursed though. This is a pod of just five seats (and a stonking great support pillar) surrounded by cubicle walls and one bank of windows. In these past eight months, I've seen at least 8 people move on to other departments, resign, or be made redundant. When I go, not one of the originals will remain. I worked in another pod like this at Optus once, and we nicknamed it "The Bermuda Rectangle." Someone even put up a sign. Optus management had a sense-of-humour failure and naturally took down the sign. Boring bastards! Continuing in this tradition, we had a quick brain-storm (read: excuse to do fuck-all for ten minutes) and came up with some alternative names:
- The Departure Lounge
- The Loser Pod (it has often been called this by the people in the next pod over. Jealousy is also a curse)
- The Launch Pod
- Greener Pastures
My favourite is still "Bermuda Rectangle." I get the gigglesnorts just thinking of that one, which SUCKS because it still FUCKING HURTS TO LAUGH.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I am addicted...
... to that free rice vocabulary site. Discovering (or re-discovering as the case may be) some wonderful new words, such as:
- Munificent (Generous)
- Expectorate (To Spit)
- Tintinnabulation (Ringing)
- Piscivorous (Fish eating - and thinking of a dirty joke, non?)
I love words.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Year, new resolutions
Today is the first of the 365 days of 2008. As many people nursing hangovers around the world wake up, they will get to thinking about their resolutions. Not surprisingly, a popular one is to "drink less." That usually lasts until everyone has enough money again to get together on the weekend and have a big bender.
Myself? Well, last year I made a long list of resolutions that I didn't keep. Why? Well, one tends to make resolutions that are a bit too un-realistic. Or they make realistic resolutions, but fail to make the plans to put them into place. Despite my failures in meeting my myriad resolutions from last year, I don't feel bad. Why? Because I have made some amazing achievements in the last year. I finally got the diagnosis for my bipolar disorder. I found a job that I enjoy. I've made a big move interstate. I have done battle with the demon that is depression (it's a bit like Amanda Vanstone with fangs and black wings). In the spirit of change, my only resolution this year is that I want to continue to change. I want to keep my house cleaner. I want to eat food that is better for my body and mind. I want to feed my mind with intellectual fodder, and exercise my ability to think. I want to be kinder to others.
There will be times when I will fail to do these things. And yet, I won't let failure prevent me from continuing the journey of change. Today is 01 January 2008. When that clock struck midnight, it was but a moment. Moments form into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and so forth. It only takes a moment to commit to change, and it doesn't have to be 12:01 a.m. on New Years' Day. There will be millions of opportunities throughout 2008 for improving myself and my life.
Myself? Well, last year I made a long list of resolutions that I didn't keep. Why? Well, one tends to make resolutions that are a bit too un-realistic. Or they make realistic resolutions, but fail to make the plans to put them into place. Despite my failures in meeting my myriad resolutions from last year, I don't feel bad. Why? Because I have made some amazing achievements in the last year. I finally got the diagnosis for my bipolar disorder. I found a job that I enjoy. I've made a big move interstate. I have done battle with the demon that is depression (it's a bit like Amanda Vanstone with fangs and black wings). In the spirit of change, my only resolution this year is that I want to continue to change. I want to keep my house cleaner. I want to eat food that is better for my body and mind. I want to feed my mind with intellectual fodder, and exercise my ability to think. I want to be kinder to others.
There will be times when I will fail to do these things. And yet, I won't let failure prevent me from continuing the journey of change. Today is 01 January 2008. When that clock struck midnight, it was but a moment. Moments form into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and so forth. It only takes a moment to commit to change, and it doesn't have to be 12:01 a.m. on New Years' Day. There will be millions of opportunities throughout 2008 for improving myself and my life.
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